Psalm 146:5 says, “Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God, Who made the heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them; Who keeps truth forever…”

I have been wrestling with a question for a while now, that God laid on my heart. The question is what do you want? On the surface it sounds like it should have such an easy answer, almost anyone can rattle off a list of things they want. But, for me, this was a nagging question, a wrestling question, a very hard question. The reason it was such a hard question for me is because to share what I want, what I really want, is to share my heart. My wants are so deeply connected to my dreams, my desires, my hearts cry, that to answer that question would mean opening my heart and pouring it out to the Lord. I guess that is why I do not share what I want, I don’t want to be disappointed, I don’t want someone to tell me I can’t have what I want, I don’t want someone to trample on my heart.

As I have been meditating on this question, not for minutes, hours or days, but weeks, months and even for years, I have come to realize that I want to be free. What do I want? I want to be free! Free to love, free to give, free to dance, free to sing, free to shout, free to be loved, free to be cherished, free to speak, free to listen, free to be me. What do I want, I want to be free. Not a surface freedom that says, I’m free, I mean really free. I want to be free from others opinions of me, I want to be free to let people know me and love me, I want to be free to express my dreams, my desires, my hopes. I want to be free!

To some, this is hard to understand, but for others they are connecting with this want. You see, I have been a Christian for 25 years, and the Bible tells me who the Son sets free is free indeed, but I do not feel free to be me. I do not feel like there is freedom to express my gifts, express my heart, express who I am and I do not hear others doing it either. There is a certain way to talk, a certain way to act, a certain protocol to follow. It feels so restricting, so binding, so not free. But why is this, why is the place I am called to impact not free, why are the people who know Jesus not free?

I believe the reason is because of time. The trouble with time is that it restricts us, it confines us, it binds us. Why do we set a time limit on worship? Why does the Pastor feel like he has spoken too long? Why do we always feel like we have to know what time it is? Time is a freedom foe, for it always makes us feel like we have to be somewhere. It robs us of the ability to enjoy the moment, the journey, the experience. Until we stop having to always be somewhere, we will never experience the freedom of a God that is timeless.

When we speak prophetic words over people, or when we read promises in the word of God, we put a time limit on them in our minds and if they are not fulfilled in the time frame we have set, we get disappointed. I have never heard God put a time frame on any promise He has given me? People put time frames on promises, prophecies and proclamations, God doesn’t. Jesus even said, “But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels or heaven, but My Father only” (Matthew 24:36). Imagine what life would be like if we did not have to worry about time? We would be like a bird, a rabbit, a whale. We would be free to be who we were created to be! 

Fear is fueled by time; anxiety is given expression because of time; panic sets in when we look at the clock; but our faith is fueled, set on fire, by a promise. Time is our trouble. God knows what time it is, He made the day and the night, the seasons and the seconds. He is fully aware of what time it is. He knows your biological clock is ticking; He knows the world says you are too old to be married; He knows you need that job; He knows the rent is due on that day; He knows. If He gave you a promise, He knows at what time it needs to be fulfilled. The trouble with time is that it takes us out of faith. Faith lives outside of time and this is where freedom lives. What do you want? I want to be free, so for me, I can’t be worried about the time.